I was struck with a wave of nostalgia this morning…
A chilled breeze blew silently through my open window. A coffee dribbled with heavy cream and laced with sprinkles of cinnamon, the only way I like it in the fall. It is now fall, I tell myself. There were leaves taking flight yesterday morning as I pulled weeds for what I hope will be the last time this season. And Dad mowed the lawn. The smell of grass was still in the air this morning as I got up.
I woke up with a jolt as I realized that I had to babysit this lovely girl today and I didn’t hear my alarm sound…come to find Sasha had taken the phone and downloaded a few games.
As Mom made fried eggs, I made her a grocery list for this week. We have tried to stay as healthy as we can in the month of September although that is about as difficult as resisting a fresh baked cinnamon roll, with all the birthdays we have in the month. The list consisted of these items.
+ cottage cheese
+ coconut oil
+ chicken breast
I’ve been planning for school this week. I’ve taken a bit of a break from the scholarly way of life as I did school through the summer. Government and Economics. Which was very enlightening and made me think a lot, about how life should be and how it isn’t. I hope I don’t sound too pretentious. That’s another habit of mine….break you darn thing. I will start my junior year next week, we still have yet to order my history things, which is fine. I have enough to work on. I planned so far ahead this year that I made a syllabus for each subject.. I must say I’m most excited for Chemistry and English. I’ll be equally excited for History when that comes, when we order it.
When I get home I need to clean my room, organize my bookshelves and my desk. Throw away the stacks of random papers that now cover my desk but I’ll probably end up keeping them and storing them in boxes that converge under my nightstand. I have yet to go through those as I said I would in my last post.
I’ve been thinking a lot about living in the now, not the past or the future. Which is something of a habit of mine..while planning for the future is good and responsible; and reflecting over the past can be helpful in learning and overcoming struggles. I can’t help but feel like living now, is just as important. I fear looking back and realizing I was too focused on the future, to remember then. And while I highly doubt I’ll be able to forget it, I won’t remember it as something I enjoyed, it would be a means to the end. I have a life, now. NOW. NOW. I have to realize that the same thing that happened today will not happen tomorrow. Eden won’t come up from behind and hug me and say she loves me tomorrow as she did today, twice. In fact we’ll probably get in a fight and be mad at each other. Which happens a lot..this is true. But today she said she loved me, and I said I loved her. Which is also true, and lovely, so lovely.
If you thought this was all over the place, you should see my mind..sorry guys.
Stay lovely. Sincerely, Saralyn.