I’ve spent most of my December so far watching way too much vlogmas and not packing. And since I’ve been wanting to start blogging more often I thought I’d sit down and share what’s been going on in my life recently.
About 3 months ago, my parents started talking about and looking into moving closer to where my dad’s work took him. Which is in the the DFW area.
Over the past month and a half we’ve looked at bunch of houses. Within the last 30 days we’ve found and closed on a house. It’s much smaller than our house now but we’ll make it work.
It feels unreal that I will be moving again. It’s been 6 years since our last move and I thought that that was that and that this is where my family would settle. But life happens and things change, some doors are shut and others are opened.
At first when I talked about moving with my family, I was excited! When I was younger the idea of newness was something I loved but as I’ve grown older change has become a more uncomfortable experience. I can’t hide behind the shadow of my parents. I have to brave the wind on my own. Since graduating earlier this year, this impending move has made it more apparent that I don’t have a status anymore. I’m no longer a high-schooler, and even though I’m college aged, I’ve decided to take a gap year to get my groundings. But that has left me feeling uncertain and it’s strange not to have that identity anymore.
I also went through a stage of indifference to the idea of moving. Okay, so we’re moving. So?
But now? I’m sad. I think about my time spent here and I don’t regret it. I’ve met some of the most important people in my life here. And selfishly, I don’t want to leave them. It feels like things won’t ever be the same again. And that’s partly true. Because I’ll be leaving some one-of-a-kind people, who have held me at the hardest moments of my life. It seems like they are the only ones out there with which my heart can care about it. That’s not true. I know it’s not true, even though it feels like it is right now. But I know it’s false because this is actually how I felt about our last move. Although, now it’s filled with more sorrow than before. But at the same time I know that this is where God has led us, me and now He’s guiding us elsewhere.
I think my brain is playing tricks with me. Telling me things here are better than they actually are. With several job changes, loved ones passing away, and family drama. These past few years have been rough on my family. I think this move will be good for us. We’ll be able to spend more time as a family with my dad, get involved in a new church and be able to have more opportunity than we could find here.
It’s also winter now, here in Texas. And it’s starting to get cold. Winter is a difficult season for me. I’m more prone to depression and empty feelings. And there’s just changes, changes, changes, everywhere. And it’s weird. But that’s how life goes.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.
With all that being said, the move happens on January 1, 2017. So we’ll be spending one last Christmas here in our house amidst the cardboard packing boxes. I haven’t really packed much of my belongings. I find myself frequently going through everything and throwing away a bunch of junk. I really ought to start packing! Ugh, it’s difficult to know what to start packing first. I will keep you all in the loop as things more forward.
Thanks for reading this mess of a post.