February 20th, 2017
Writing jams: Grace FMA, Lauryn Hill, Ed Sheeran
Hey there, it’s Tina.
I managed to get this post done on time. Even though I have to deal with paperwork, packing, cleaning, and the general low key panic that I’m moving in a few days… I have forfeit my title as Queen of Procrastination and am trying to stay on top of things. I expected myself to be undesirably busy my last week at home and not have time for anything. But in reality I have just been alternating between chores and watching Friends (yes, all week).
It’s probably because I spent the last few months preparing, so now I don’t have as many belongs to box up as I thought. I wondered how I was going to compartmentalize my life into a suitcase without the vanilla scented candles and favorite books. I packed my suitcase and weighed it on the bathroom scale. It was over fifty pounds. I packed it three more times. There’s a minimalist somewhere in my soul. I brought her out and put things away. I think deep down I wanted to bring objects and clothes that felt like a part of me. So people the new people would be able to see what type of person I was just by looking at them. I quickly realized I shouldn’t try to project myself into inanimate objects. I’m a whole person, people will be able to see me.
It’s mostly full of clothes now, with a few things to make me feel at home, because it is a five month long endeavor. I will probably end up packing it one more time.
I tried to see all my close friends, because I don’t plan on being back for long periods of time in the future (hopefully ever). Isn’t it strange that we only visit people when we plan on leaving? I was able to visit some that I knew when I was younger. Now we are all older making lives for yourselves. I always love when you can resume conversations after time apart. Mutual humor. And a warmth of feeling at home with people. I missed that.
Saturday night I was on the hour and a half drive home from seeing everyone. The weather decided not to be winter anymore and the night air was cool and fresh like spring. The day had been spent with irreplaceable people and good food. There was no weight to my tiredness. And I realized that my favorite feeling is those times of quiet. Right after or before everything is going to happen. I love moments like those long drives. The late summer nights with all the windows open. Those grey Sunday mornings. There’s a great sense of peace. I think because nothing can go wrong in those moments. It’s a pocket of reflection and wondering (usually set to your favorite music). No matter what happens in my life, I always feel happiest in those.
My flight leaves early on the morning of the 22nd. I’m anxious, of course. But everything has gone smoothly so far, and I really have to take time away from everything to appreciate that God has done that for me.
Thanks for reading, my next post will be written with a new backdrop behind me.
I’ll see you there.
“You’re an inanimate fucking object.”